Best Of Frequently Asked Questions

There were actually days when we'd get just as many e-mails about our FAQ page, as we did about the X-Assault game itself! The FAQ page was not only our forum to answer the questions we were most consistently bombarded with, but also our outlet for cryptic game hints, previews of what we were planning for future installments, dry humor, and bitter venting.

We didn't want to repost the entire twenty-two-page document here (we were always surprised at how big it was getting as players continually found new questions to ask us), but we did want to reprint some of the best stuff, both regarding the game itself and the attitude with which it was created. For those new to X-Assault, we warn you in advance: some of what's below might be considered "spoiler-ific."

The Brand New FAQ - Post-Relaunch Questions We Keep Getting Asked

When's the new version coming out? Got an ETA? - Before the end of August. Guaranteed.

So I'm new to X-Assault... and it's pretty cool... - Yeah, we know.

That wasn't my question. - Sorry.

My question is, I got these "card codes." What are they? What am I supposed to do with them? - Oh, those.

Back when we released X-Assault v0.94c, as a completely transparent promotional gimmick, we released a set of "virtual trading cards." Basically, you got those codes from the game, you input them into a separate program (which isn't currently available for download, sorry), and each code gave you a different virtual card. The cards talked about things like how powers worked, or what stats everybody had, what hidden characters were in the game, and how Final Score is calculated.

Since the information and graphics on the cards are a bit out of date (and because we're trying to be kind to our file bandwidth hosts), we haven't made the file available for download again. If we get a lot of requests, though, we will.

The Best of the Old FAQ - You asked it, we answered it

Why did you guys do X-Assault? - Because we got bored. No, really. That's not a joke.

Why can't I get the character I want on my team? - Ummm... because you're not fast enough! Keep in mind that only 20 characters appear on each recruitment screen, so you've got to be careful when you're looking for a particular hero.

With their stats so low, why did you even bother including mutants like Doop and Archangel? - The mutants with the lowest stats are potentially the most powerful members on your team. Trust us.

Do the battle locations make any difference at all in a fight? - Yes. There are 20 different locations, and all but one of them give a bonus to at least one character (if that character fights there). It's not a bonus that'll automatically make you win the fight, but it should help. There is one other important thing about the locations, but we're not at liberty to discuss that.

Who are the hidden characters? - Not who you expect.

How do I find the hidden characters? - You don't honestly think we're going to answer that, do you?

I saw the Doop stuff, and the X-Factor stuff... do you guys think you're funny or something? - Yes.

Why is Cassandra Nova so hard? - Because we think she's creepy.

Did you slow the recruiting light down? - No.

Did you speed the recruiting light up? - No.

So it's exactly the same speed? - Yes.

Aaaah! I picked the attacks my leader told me to, and I got my butt handed to me. Why was my leader telling me the wrong attacks? - Maybe that person wasn't such a good leader after all....

I heard that Jubilee gets a baseball bat. Is that true? - Ummm... what baseball bat?

This is so awesome. Can I send you guys some money? - Sure.

Why isn't Jubilee part of the Australian team? - Because hiding under somebody's sink and raiding their pantry while they're out fighting evil doesn't make you a team-member.

Will you explain the scoring system? - No.

Are you as sick of those stupid Britney Spears Pepsi ads as I am? - Oh yeah.

About that baseball bat... - Next question, please....

I thought you guys said you added the Age of Apocalypse to 0.94b! Why didn't you? - We did.

Then why haven't I seen it in X-Assault? - You just haven't found it yet. It's there... just think back to how the AOA got kicked off in the comics, and you shouldn't have any problems.

So Phoenix has stats that put everybody else to shame, right? - Kind of. But the more she uses her powers, the more powerful (and corrupted) she'll become. Think Frodo here... the power will try to corrupt her, and certain forces will help it along. If she gets too powerful, she becomes Dark Phoenix.

Will Phoenix be both a good guy and a bad guy? - Yes... if she becomes Dark Phoenix, then she'll make her way over to the right side of the screen and proceed to beat you silly.

Is it possible to beat Dark Phoenix without killing her, and just bring back Jean? - Yes, it's possible. Tough, but possible.

Wow! That sounds really cool! - Sorry, this is a frequently asked questions page and that's not a question.

Where's my new X-Assault? - Have we mentioned we don't get paid for this?

Not in the last ten minutes or so. - Well then, now we have.

Question marks in the War Room? - I have no idea what you're talking about.

Scanning for Longshot? - I have no idea what you're talking about.

You are such a liar! - Well... umm... yeah.

Is this FAQ going to be as surreal as the last few? - Fish.

Very funny. - Thanks.

Does Onslaught come with all of his heralds? - Nope, those characters never really did much for us. He'll just be like a fairly tough villain, with a really nasty special power. But he does have one special friend....

Why has Vivisector been in the game since Day 1, but not Phat? - Honestly? There was only room for one of them, and we flipped a coin. Vivisector won.

Is Spider-Man REALLY in X-Assault? - Yes.

Are the Exiles in X-Assault? - No, they're planned for a possible future upgrade.

Is an Exile in X-Assault? - Heh, heh, heh....

Did you see those new Muppet Show action figures? - Yeah, they were pretty sweet, huh?

Did you get the invisible Beaker variant? - Of course.

Hey, I just found a bug! I already fought Apocalypse! I thought you said.... - Just keep playing. Don't send us an angry e-mail. Just keep playing.

How do you collect "Cerebro Energy"? - By winning the game.

Can you add Lifeguard to the game? - No.

The new Thunderbird? - Hell, no.

How about Slipstream? - Hell, Hell, no.

Aw, come on.... - Well, one of those three gets mentioned once in the game. Is that enough?

How does this "Cerebro Energy" thing work? - Play a game of X-Assault, and win it. Now, don't close the program or anything... just play another game. As long as your final score was above 0, you now have 1, 2, or 3 units of Cerebro Energy. Press the "U" button to use that energy when you get to the mutant recruitment screen.

What does Cerebro Energy do? - The most common use for it is to quickly and automatically recruit exactly the mutants you want. No waiting for the right one to light up, and no trivia to answer. You automatically recruit the mutant to your team.

Can you get hidden characters with the Cerebro Energy? - Yes, but not all of them. For instance, you'll never be able to recruit Franklin Richards with Cerebro Energy.

So I ran into this forcefield thing... - Yes....?

Is there a way to get through it? - Maybe.

Does it do different things based on who you send? - Yup.

I sent two different characters to the force-field, and what they discovered was contradictory! - No it wasn't.

Yes it was! - No it wasn't.

Are you sure? - Absolutely positive. There is a reason.

Are you planning on killing one of the playable characters (for good) in a future version of X-Assault? - Yes.

Is it Colossus? - We never said that.

It's Colossus, isn't it? - What would make you think that?

WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME???? - I am answering you.

I don't want Colossus to die! - That's not a question.

I love you, man! - We love you too.

Ummmm... what was that? - That was the NixonVision FAQ page, reproduced almost exactly as it was just before NixonVision.com shut down in 2004. Note that this was before anybody had seen version 0.96, the unreleased beta.

It's so... primitive.... - Yeah, I'm a better web programmer now.

It's so... long.... - Yeah, well, you should have seen the twenty-two page version that proceeded it.

I'm lost. None of the links here work. - That's not a question.

Still a smartass after all these years, huh? - Yup.

Okay then, why won't any of the links work? - Because this is isolated nostalgia. The rest of NixonVision.Com no longer exists.

How do I get back to the NeverTown then? - Ah, a savvy surfer. Click here to Return to Greatness.




All Marvel characters and the distinctive likenesses thereof are Trademarks & Copyright (c) 1941-2001 Marvel Characters, Inc.
and used with permission. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Website design and content are the property of G. James Lemoine (who was NixonVision)
except for rights reserved by Marvel regarding its trademarked and copyrighted materials.
At least, that's what they told me to put in the disclaimer when they originally approved X-Assault, back in 2001.